Monday, 5 December 2011

Leaves, Floats and Peas

Tis the time of year when I have to get the security out to protect all my vegetable friends, I know all you out there are planning mass raids on supermarkets, grocers, convenience stores and gardens. Now we all sympathize with the turkey too but he too is guilty of gobbling at the remains of friends veg. I present my case before they all end up covered in gravy and sauce. Every year I have peered from the Polytunnel to see people like the idiots pull explosive items that sometimes don't go bang and push objects that do go explosive, ah see the sprouts you may eat can reek a revenge of hazardous means. I the almighty Cabbage do suggest that you give the Veg a miss and preserve my fellow greenery. So after my plea to save a pea I shall continue. In the quest for new convert's I shall be sailing on the great ocean Dansk, Attempting to bite a few ankles and spread my word and videos about. I shall keep you informed of my Polytunnel adventures. Pray for a calm one. Cabbage

Monday, 28 November 2011

1001 clicks...

Now you can see me and I can see you..Handsome aren't I! Ok there.. Now I have decided to try and get myself sponsored maybe by Fisons or B&Q..or like Uncle Dons Potato farm but hey it will do. I could have adverts put on my leaves, hey why you complain about that A cabbage has to earn his keep too, besides if I want to get mobile in my little wheelbarrow then I couldn't pay in sprouts..or could I?

 Now you know these days that everything is dominated by adverts..only the other day ITV got into trouble over showing 12 minutes of ads on Itv3, there get out clause was that they broke the Agatha Christie film up into pieces so it became termed as a continuing drama..Say A bit like Eastenders or Doctors.

 They could and tried to get around the rules by doing this splitting up the show. However the wise ones at OFCOM noticed this ploy and heavily fined the ITV for doing this.

 Moral Advertising doesn't always pay dividends.

 The time is near where all the kids adverts appear on our screens.. You know the ones with Barbie, Bambi and Bloggymonster all vying for your attention to buy for litle nieces and nephews, My little sprout relations will get water and a polytunnel this year. Who pays for all this outburst..we we do in the inflated prices of the toys each year.. Conveniently creating a huge demand on over subscribed toys (2000 made) to 20000 parents.

This thus inflates the market and creates more advertising and hype and increases brand awareness more and thus the cycle goes on.

 So Moral there advertising pays and pays again. There we are a quick insight into the ad mans brain. Don't forget to click my ad too..

 Thanks Cabbage.

Friday, 25 November 2011

How does my garden grow..

Hmmm.. As a cabbage I often get asked How does my garden grow, Obvious answer is cockleshells and silver bells....That seems rather too flouncy for my style though. I shall plant some thing here and see if it grows and then I shall continue. See with a bit of electronic watering anything is possible it seems, Wonder when it will bear fruit? I heard a rumour via the garden hose that those two idiots where planning something..maybe like the great Panorama spaghetti trees of the 1960's, I must say I didn't have anything to do with that oh no no no no (hoping an ad from heinz appears) I wonder what they will be getting up to? Seems like they have friends in high and low places, maybe the trees and the gutter. I think I have leaf mould also this week, you know its all this fog and moisture and now the wind too, have to get some E45 at this rate and a polytunnel. So now ita dark I must be hidden from the frost.. Cabbage.

With a swig of Bio-gro and a hay nonny-no!

I thought I saw one of them earlier, maybe its was a tub of lard... No wait, I was outside a supermarket and there was some bio-gro on special offer there. So quick as flash I took some and away I went with it, with security following me close behind... But trying steering with one wheel at the front, it leans more then a Robin Reliant on heat.

So I was typing in on my carrot powered computer, alright I found an internet cafe but you don't have get some funny looks from the people in there. So I blew them a raspberry and carried on, then I saw it 25,000 for this?! Either I must be letting off a noxious gas or someone is liking this stuff they are doing, hmmm...

I will endevour to do more research and see if can track one of them down...

Cabbage out!

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Money Growing..

Ah So I return so quick!

I have heard that you can make money grow on trees..being trying hard.

Maybe its the wrong type of muck I am using to make it happen.
I reckon I could do it, that damn clown won't help me....GRRRRRRRRR!

Hmm got some instructions but its so hard to do...
Lets see 400 cows poo, a pinch of salt, a copy of a 1973 radio times, a wig from a ghost and a cheese and pickle sandwich..not asking for much then eh!

Do I really reckon I can do it..oh yes indeed..make more money than the idiots I mentioned earlier...A million pounds and a leg, the right one..damn is that copyright TOP Gear?

Time to go back in the undergrowth again me thinks..


I rise up from the garden..


See and you all thought I was a silly cabbage who could interfere with the digital switch-over procedures!

Well I have now grabbed a wheelbarrow and I am indeed going to be fitting an engine and then I shall tour our planet in search of TV Gold for which I can grow myself a better life.

Let me see know I have enough John Innes number 4 to get me to the gate..need some water as well and a bit of fertiliser (Red Bull Maybe) and now away we go....

So I have reached the gate..wish I had thought of this engine idea sooner..damn near been 2 years since I was found and placed on you tube by those two scallys..wonder where they are now haha!

Apparently one had a knackered leg and the other was in a loony bin, see what the power of the TV can do..

I do know that during their early experiments they participated in a show for ITV2 called "Gagging for it"
They had a third co-worker..she seems to have slipped the net, I do wonder about her..
Anyhow they tried at that point to do comedy and stuff after a previously awful script writing session, the small fat one..he was the writer and the tall lanky one..he was the Creative one.
Idiots I say Idiots..IDIOTS.

So in the next few months and years I shall of course keep you up to date with things as they go.

In the meantime come and visit my channel..All mine!

Righto back to the sheltered corner...BYE.